teeny update

boy, it's been a damn while. hey - you got paid to write!!!! that's a dream come true! life's a lot better since the last time i checked in and i'm thoroughly grateful. Not that my degree has gotten any easier, nor has dealing with the people around me (ie. classmates who i seriously CANNOT vibe with), but life's been a lot better. Personally, of course.

as I'm writing this, we're living through a pandemic. Covid-19. I'm sure even without penning this down I would remember this situation. but it feels pretty cool to say that I'm living through a pandemic. (and yes, i know this is a privilege, to be able to say this).

hm. Where do I even begin? Ok, let's categorize these thoughts.

1. Uni life

This was a big factor to my depressive episodes, which have no recurred at all this year (hence why this blog has been super dead, I was not suffocating and desperate for an external medium to vent my thoughts out. which is fantastic. I have made some better friends now, some I still have trouble feeling comfortable around but on the whole, I've met some really great people I can see myself being friends with for long-term. Also, my current semester (I'M ENDING YEAR 2!!!!!11HOLY!!!!!!!!) was completely online, and it really gave me a taste and filter of who I will stay friends with once uni is over. I'm just glad I have people around who I care for, and who (I hope) care for me. Purely speaking about friendships in Sunway U, that is. I still keep in contact with my childhood friends and some college friends. All in all, it's been getting much better.

2. Academics

It's not easy. It's not too tough (if I were diligent). I just need to set my mind to it and, surprisingly, I am coping. Not spectacularly, I'm not getting 90%s all around but I've managed to maintain my scholarship for 2 whole years!!!!!!!!!! and I have gotten all As (so far). But guess what? Even if I do get a grade less than an A, I will be completely OK. I have given up the life of overachieving. I just want to get through with my mental health as a priority, but of course try to keep up academically. And ever since I let go, I feel like I can finally breathe again.

3. Personal (?) Life

I did blogging for an ethical fashion brand, Biji Biji. ALL THIS WRITING AND PASSION PAID OFF!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of myself for that!!!!!! And, I got validation from my supervisor on my writing skills. Ever since I started actuarial science, I have to say I barely read and wrote. My writing definitely took a hit. But I picked it back up with the blogging job. And I have to say, i would LOVE to live off writing. Who knows? Maybe I could write for finance blogs/magazines like Rebecca from Confessions of a Shopaholic. Who knows....... To be honest tho, I do like what I'm studying. It keeps me on my feet, and I've never ever been bored. I learn something new EVERY semester and it's a degree I'm grateful to have ventured into. I'm learning valuable skills that I definitely can't teach myself, and this knowledge is precious. Altho it adds alot of stress, I'm trying to remember to be appreciative. And I am, I really am. It's just hard sometimes and you feel like breaking down. But the knowledge you acquire at the end is truly valuable.

Relationship-wise, it's going really smooth. idk if we matured or what, but we're in a really happy place and I'm glad.

so, it really did get better. and I'm glad I stuck around.