I GOT MY FIRST REAL JOB OFFER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ok, intern but whatever)

IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF WE CAME FAR, WE REALLY DID 

       

the land below the wind

I'm going to try to get back to "normal blogging". But as this blog is my baby, I sure as hell will be writing down my thoughts too.

So, just before the Covid-19 issue escalated in Malaysia (JUST before the tabligh cluster was found), my family went to Sabah for a mini vacation. terrible timing, I know. I did mention to my parents to take things seriously, but at that point it wasn't "widespread" enough and they didn't really want to listen to me. so, I did the best I could and forced everyone to wear masks and also stocked up on a shit ton of sanitizer.

we arrived in Sabah -  sometime in March, I can't recall the exact date. flight, of course. and checked in to our hotel room (of 2 days). That day, we had Jollibee for dinner.

I have to be honest, Jollibee is crap. probably a 2 or 1 out of 10 for me. maybe its better if you eat beef???? but honestly, everything else is MEH as heck. no regrets trying it out though. 

After dinner, we headed to the Gaya Night Market (at least, I think that's what it's called). It was a  nice walk and I loved the Sabah markets. I just love walking through places like a tourist, it's really fun to me. 

I didn't take toooo many pics, but these are some of it. Anchovies are so so cheap in Sabah!!! My mom was already planning to buy a bunch on our last night there (we were supposed to stay for a week). Following our stroll, my mom wanted to get some cake from Secret Recipe, which we did. And I got tea (of course!). 

I took a pic of the tea bag cus it was really good tea! still can't find the brand though. 

That pretty much summed up our first day. Until well,,, the next day where I had horrible period cramps. no joke, I was puking and had cold sweat the entire day. my cousin (who is a doctor in Sabah) had to come check on me. we were lowkey concerned that it would be Covid-19. at that point, I wanted to fucking die. I was truly suffering. 

in the end, I got admitted into the hospital. it was super scary. hospitals are already scary in general, but to be admitted in one during the covid-19 situation AND somewhere so foreign, I was terrified. but they gave me drops, vomiting mediation, some shots and I was all good after. the nurse kept calling me... some name that meant "girl" in Sabahan. she was really really nice and I appreciate all healthcare workers so much. the nurses were so comforting and accomodating to my fear, altho they had more serious cases to work on. the doctors were pretty cold, as usual. but bless the nurses. 

hospital views LOL. but get this, me getting admitted into the hospital wasn't even the craziest part of this trip. but that'll be a story for another day :) 

teeny update

boy, it's been a damn while. hey - you got paid to write!!!! that's a dream come true! life's a lot better since the last time i checked in and i'm thoroughly grateful. Not that my degree has gotten any easier, nor has dealing with the people around me (ie. classmates who i seriously CANNOT vibe with), but life's been a lot better. Personally, of course.

as I'm writing this, we're living through a pandemic. Covid-19. I'm sure even without penning this down I would remember this situation. but it feels pretty cool to say that I'm living through a pandemic. (and yes, i know this is a privilege, to be able to say this).

hm. Where do I even begin? Ok, let's categorize these thoughts.

1. Uni life

This was a big factor to my depressive episodes, which have no recurred at all this year (hence why this blog has been super dead, I was not suffocating and desperate for an external medium to vent my thoughts out. which is fantastic. I have made some better friends now, some I still have trouble feeling comfortable around but on the whole, I've met some really great people I can see myself being friends with for long-term. Also, my current semester (I'M ENDING YEAR 2!!!!!11HOLY!!!!!!!!) was completely online, and it really gave me a taste and filter of who I will stay friends with once uni is over. I'm just glad I have people around who I care for, and who (I hope) care for me. Purely speaking about friendships in Sunway U, that is. I still keep in contact with my childhood friends and some college friends. All in all, it's been getting much better.

2. Academics

It's not easy. It's not too tough (if I were diligent). I just need to set my mind to it and, surprisingly, I am coping. Not spectacularly, I'm not getting 90%s all around but I've managed to maintain my scholarship for 2 whole years!!!!!!!!!! and I have gotten all As (so far). But guess what? Even if I do get a grade less than an A, I will be completely OK. I have given up the life of overachieving. I just want to get through with my mental health as a priority, but of course try to keep up academically. And ever since I let go, I feel like I can finally breathe again.

3. Personal (?) Life

I did blogging for an ethical fashion brand, Biji Biji. ALL THIS WRITING AND PASSION PAID OFF!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of myself for that!!!!!! And, I got validation from my supervisor on my writing skills. Ever since I started actuarial science, I have to say I barely read and wrote. My writing definitely took a hit. But I picked it back up with the blogging job. And I have to say, i would LOVE to live off writing. Who knows? Maybe I could write for finance blogs/magazines like Rebecca from Confessions of a Shopaholic. Who knows....... To be honest tho, I do like what I'm studying. It keeps me on my feet, and I've never ever been bored. I learn something new EVERY semester and it's a degree I'm grateful to have ventured into. I'm learning valuable skills that I definitely can't teach myself, and this knowledge is precious. Altho it adds alot of stress, I'm trying to remember to be appreciative. And I am, I really am. It's just hard sometimes and you feel like breaking down. But the knowledge you acquire at the end is truly valuable.

Relationship-wise, it's going really smooth. idk if we matured or what, but we're in a really happy place and I'm glad.

so, it really did get better. and I'm glad I stuck around.