so i'm done with pre-u!
that's honestly an insane sentence to pen down. i've only ever envisioned my life as far as spm and to see how much i have progressed over the past year, i can just say i am living an incredibly blessed life.
i'm considering doing a recap about my foundation life, a blogpost with similar vibes to my older posts because they are very fun to revisit in future
anyway, if you told little me i was going to pursue a technical degree, one incredibly math heavy, i would honestly laugh in your face. i always considered myself to be living off a career i was highly passionate about, you know; something along the lines of language and writing. but realistically, i guess, that's not going to happen anytime soon. i can still keep my love for the art of language, of course, but i guess i won't be making money out of it (guess all dreams don't come true).
this semester break, i have decided to write more and read more. sometimes i just sit back and think about little me with her huge dreams of making it as a big-time author and i smile so hard at the ridiculousness of it, but deep down the urge is still very much real. yeah, sure i can acknowledge it's insanity, but my dreams, as insane as they are, is something i will hold on to - and hopefully achieve as the days go by. there's no rushing dreams, but keeping them alive as you age is necessary - i believe that's the pothole everyone falls into.
i also tried working on my "kiasu-ness" or ok lets face it, overbearing need to be excellent. odd thing is, i pressurize myself into gaining these qualities - and frankly, they are very unhealthy. i have been trying extremely hard not to overwork myself with too many extra-curricular activities and unrealistic grade standards. i think i've definitely improved, i no longer feel the need to rush and grab every single opportunity in sight but academically, it's still a problem. i can never settle for just OK, and that's honestly not the best way to live - especially in these few precious years of my youth.
i still recall creating this blog when i was 14 years old and was prepping myself to sit the exam portion of the ASEAN scholarship and i created this as a medium to share my experiences during the entire thing, (didn't make it pass the interview, as i remember; meh hehe). and look at me now. i'm turning 19, i have somewhat mediocre-ly made it through my pre university programme unscathed, i think i'm doing just fine. great, ,even. and i have some of the best people in my life to help me through it - my 5 friends who have stuck with me from primary school, my parents and a few people i met in my university. they're all fabulous and i appreciate them so much.
the last time i got an existential crisis, i was wondering if i can ever pull through this life on my own. can i even successfully complete that degree i'm aiming for? yeah, i'm an over-achiever but that's not going to help me through life. and there are so many other people who are going all out - seeking for internships, job shadowing, receiving scholarships up and down, securing solid positions in legitimate clubs - and who am i in this competitive world of people?
ah this post is as scrambled as my thoughts are
but as for today, i am happy, i feel blessed and loved and i am positive.
it will all work out, it always does - for better or for worse, it will all work out in the end.
