tonight

tonight i stared far and hard into the distance, into the dense, dark abyss we call the night sky. i sat at the far end of my university's corridors and stared up through the transparent panes, hoping for some twinkles of the stars or if not, the shine of a planet. but alas, i was greeted with nothingness.

it was somewhat soothing really, the deep void. it help circulate my thoughts and cleanse my insecurities. sometimes you just sit there and you wonder, how do you go from feeling so extremely high to your lowest low in the span of an hour? how much power can overthinking have on the soul that it shifts your entire mood.

and so i looked back at the night sky, at my night sky. ironic, isn't it. i find solace in the darkness of the night, in the beauty of space, in the wonder and amusement of an empty land when im very much a morning person. i truly appreciate the night though, i really do.

and so as i looked back, i thought long and hard. i reminisced my days that led me up to being me today. how life shaped out, its funny. i remember when i was 13 or 14, and i was in the back seat of my mother's car. you know how 13 year olds are - they think they own the world. i sat there and i thought "i can distinguish from right and wrong, easy. i have life figured out. how is it so hard? why does everyone keep complaining?

hah, i miss those days.

oh those foolish days.

slowly, i guess i learned. im still learning, i understand better now. the moon and the stars and the sky  have seen more tears and more of my feelings than anyone i know in person has. not any of my long term friends, not anyone. and it gives me peace and tranquility knowing that if i am alone, as sometimes i am, or if i ever feel alone, as i usually do, i have the sky and its blankness.

and as odd as it is, that soothes my heart.

so does writing my heart out.

before i left my little corner, i stared out the panes again. i thought i saw a shooting star, i promise my heart leaped to a new extreme. it was however, only a little orange bug zooming across my eyes, creating the illusion.

that's how hard i was staring.

and that's how life plays out - it tricks you into thinking you have it all.

     

2018

I couldn't think of a better title...probably because I'm really tipsy on being so full from good bowls of pan mee (I promise, thats it hehe)

it's been a good start of the year. I slept in and woke up to have breakfast and slept again. Truly living the life. and I keep losing my phone in my own house, I don't know how that happens but it happens.  after the clock struck 12 last night and I got bored from watching game of thrones, I began to fall asleep to my own thoughts which reflected some of the strangest and most interesting events that happened through 2017. and I smiled so hard and blushed so hard and grinned so hard to myself -that's how I peacefully let my eyes fall like draped curtains which whisked me into dark slumber on the first night of the new year.

It was the little things that made today a good day. you randomly messaged me (again) and we talked about books and movies and being nerds. (again) and I enjoyed it. (again) and I FINALLY had a night out with Pigot and got tales from Nottingham uni over literally one cocktail (LOL). and boy were there some stories. we had really really really good pan mee before that though, I was beyond content. I'm going back to KL in a week and probably won't get food as good anytime there. after talks and laughs and calling out idiocracies, the extremely friendly (and downright beautiful) bartender waved goodbye to us from the windows as we walked to the car. the sweetest stranger. +100 customer service points.

and when I reached home at midnight and released my dogs from their doghouse chains, I grabbed a huge cup of twinberry cheesecake ice cream and just indulged in my PJs. the ice ceam was as cold and as sweet as the sea breeze that wafts over penang at night. and I instantly felt good about the year.